Monday, February 27, 2012

New Beginnings?

I have to apologize again for lacking with the blogging thing. I do stay busy with Anna but I don't know I guess I've gotten into a rut and didn't have too much to say. But as we are coming into Spring a time of new beginnings, I do believe we are coming into some new beginnings of our own.

I have just a few more weeks left at the daycare and I'm ready to move on. It has allowed me extra time with Anna and for that I'm thankful but I will not miss "being in charge" and the chaos that follows that. I am hoping to return to teaching and that way I'll be on the same schedule as Anna who will be starting school in a few short months. So that is new beginning number one.

The second is like I just mentioned---Anna will be in kindergarten. I cannot believe it. We just celebrated 3 years home with Anna and I truly don't know where the time has gone. It has been the quickest 3 years of my life. I have taught for a number of years and I always thought it was silly when parents cried because their child started school, but now that it is my turn--Yep I'm going to be one of those mommas. We register Anna for kindergarten in just a week and I'll be doing good if I don't shed a few tears just registering her. So new beginning number two.

Finally, new beginning number 3 is a big one. One I have been ready for since we got Anna. One that the Lord is just now bringing Scott around to. One that will change our lives for ever in the sweetest way. I don't have the freedom to share just yet but anyone who knows me can easily guess what that is. AND I'M EXCITED. God has some big obstacles to overcome for this new beginning to happen but our God is a God of new beginnings and he is confirming in both of our lives that this new beginning will happen. He is also already working on removing some of the obstacles that stand in the way. I'm so excited to see Him do this and to see Him be glorified once again in such an amazing way.

So I ask for your prayers as we move into this "new beginning" stage of our journey. Please pray that God blesses me with the right job for me where I can make a difference for Him. Please pray for Anna's adjustment to school. For her to be in a classroom where the teacher loves Anna and is able to make her first year of "big" school a great success. Please pray that Anna will have the self control to flourish and learn all that she needs to. Finally please pray for our 3rd (second :) hehe) new beginning. Please pray that God will move all the big obstacles that are in the way right now. Please pray God will lead us to the "blessing" he has for us. Please pray for peace and guidance and perseverance and strength and finances and stamina and patience as we begin this 3rd new beginning in the journey God has ordained for us.

Thank you for your prayers and thank you to those of you that still check the blog even though I'm not very good about keeping up with it.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Slamming doors

My verse right now is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." My future right now is sort of up in the air. Right now I'm the director of the preschool where my precious Anna Banana attends. I intentionally took that job so I could spend more time with Anna before she starts "big" school. I am so glad I made that decision although I have come against a lot of struggles. Some small and some pretty big that have had me questioning decisions I have made. I know looking back ten, twenty years from now I will be so thankful that I made the decision to be with my daughter more before she has to go to school. And I know God is faithful but never did I dream two years ago when I decided to quit my teaching position would I face so much opposition from satan. He has had me second guessing so much and I'm sick of it.

Satan hates families. He hates when families try to become stronger and he uses just about every weapon he has to try and destroy families left and right. Our family is strong. Not because of ourselves but because of our God. He has shown me a lot about myself in the last year and half. A lot of it I don't like at all about myself. But that is good. It is only when we take an honest look at ourselves and our shortcomings can God change us and make us more like him. Our family has a lot of growing to do to be more like him but we are taking steps in that direction. One is through our finances. We had it pretty easy when I was teaching. We had plenty of money for bills and for playing. That isn't the case now but God is showing himself faithful. Every month we have the money to pay our bills and while we don't have much money at all to play with, it has been good to see how much we don't need that we think we do. So when God changes our financial situation for the better, I hope he finds us faithful to use that money to further his kingdom and not our pocket books.

Another thing God is teaching me is to be humble and content. Not saying I'm perfect or even close in these two areas but I think I'm learning. I can look around at others who have more finances and more "toys" and it is easy to let envy slip in and destroy and steal contentment...but God has been good to continue to remind me of how blessed we actually are. Joy doesn't come from earthly toys but from endless laughter from my daughter when we are playing and having a good time at home, when my little family is snuggled on the couch watching the latest Tinkerbell movie or just going on a drive and looking at God's beautiful creation.

Now the struggle for me is letting faith and not fear guide my future. My sweet Anna Banana is getting ever so close to starting "big" school and I feel my time at the daycare is coming to an end as well. I figured my move was to go back to teaching. I would get my old income back, be on the same schedule as Anna and it would work out great. So far ....SLAMMING DOORS. I don't understand it. I have had a couple of leads and the door has shut on all of them. Satan is using fear and an individual of which I won't name to try and scare me that I won't be able to get a job. But my God is stronger, My God is bigger and My God is greater than any other. It isn't easy and I have spent a lot of time crying and letting fear try to guide me but that isn't what I'm called to do. I'm called to walk by faith and not by sight. It is not for me to understand but to trust in God, acknowledge him in everything and let him direct me. Please pray that is what I let God do.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel

Man it feels like things are only getting worse. I was hoping when I wrote my last post that the next time I posted it would happy and cheery and all about "life is good" but that just isn't the case right now. It feels like we are being attacked on just about all sides. We never make New Year's resolutions but for some odd reason this year we did. It was to get some debt paid off and use more of what God has given us financially toward His kingdom. Let me just tell you now satan has tried all year to throw that resolution off course. It is so frustrating when every time you turn around something else is hitting you upside the head.

A couple of weeks ago there was some hope that things were about to change and change quickly for the good but unfortunately that didn't pan out. Very frustrating when you have been praying for release from some hard and very bad situations but then it doesn't happen. I know God is good and I know Jeremiah 29:11. It seems like so many well meaning Christians are quick to quote that verse ("I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you.....") when you talk about struggle and hard times. But the truth that many "well meaning" Christians forget or just don't want to mention is that the bible also promises "In this world you will have troubles".....many many troubles. I know our troubles could get a lot worse and we aren't promised that they won't. It is what do you do in the midst of those troubles that really counts. Me....I'm crying out to the Lord A LOT!!! It is all I can do right now. Many people would want you to put a smile on your face and "fake" happiness. I don't think that is what the Lord wants. He wants us to be honest with one another and encourage one another and lift one another up in prayer and if we are "fake happy" all the time, how can we truly do that.

So right now I cry out and wait on the Lord........that is what my faith and scripture tell me to do. I'm waiting for that light at the end of this very very long tunnel.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Need to vent

I don't even think I can call myself a blogger anymore since it has been 6 months since I last updated. I can't blame being tired or not having time just haven't updated. I did get a new laptop because my old one died and the picture program to get the pictures off the camera and on the computer never got transferred and well to be honest how many people read. Most are just interested in the pictures. So warning there will be no pictures posted until my husband gets the program transferred. Don't know if that'll happen.

The reason I'm posting is just because I'm frustrated with everything and need a place to vent and I don't think anyone is reading the blog anymore so here I go.........well that 's the problem really don't know where to go. Everything in our life is unsettled right now. I don't like that feeling AT ALL. Scott and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary and that also marks my 8th year of living in Mississippi and I don't like it anymore now then I did then. But my husband is in a secure job and can retire in 7 years so he isn't planning on going anywhere for the next 7 years so here I sit stuck for at least 7 more years UGH. After 8 years you would think I have this great base of friends to be a support group but NOPE. I have friends but we all lead such busy lives and I would rather most days come home after my job and just be at home and quiet. We live in a house that was supposed to be our first starter for 3-5 years but about to celebrate our 7th year here and Lord knows how many more years we have. I think we'll be in this house five years from now. At least we have a home but about a month ago we decided to sell and well we did fix some things up but since then NOTHING. We haven't done anything. My job- don't get me started - could possibly be one of the biggest mistakes I have made in a long time. But don't know what else to do. Even frustrated in our church situation. Not the churches fault- Godly church with great people just not plugged in anymore. One of the biggest ones for me is I want more children. God has blessed us richly with Anna. Thank you Lord for her but I want more. The only way I see that happening is going into foster to adopt but Scott says NO. So what do I do with this aching for more and no possible way for more children??? Easy to read this and say stop complaining. I know I HATE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN. I hear people complain all the time about how horrible their lives are and then they go to the beach or a Disney vacation or go buy a new car or a bigger house. Are people so self centered and selfish that they think only good things should ever happen to them? What is frustrating is when all the small junk just keeps going and going and going and never gets better and there isn't the option of going on the dream vacation or buying the shiny new car or the $100 shoes. When the daily grind is bad and doesn't get better.

Okay so if you are reading you are probably thinking, "you've got nothing to complain about." Let me stop you and say you are probably right. God has been good to us. He has given us a sweet little girl who we love with all our heart. He completely healed her of an unhealable disease. He has given us a home when millions around the world are homeless. He has given us income when many don't have anything. I don't want to be one of those typical selfish, self-centered Christians but I just don't like being so unsettled. I feel like we are at crossroads for everything and begging God to show us and tell us what we are supposed to do with everything in our lives. If you are reading, I would covet your prayers and any words of advise or encouragement you have.....or if you think I need to stop complaining you can say that too. I can take it. I know God is good and has been good I just need direction.

Friday, December 3, 2010

A good and gracious God

That is what we serve. A good and gracious God. He has been so good to me and my family. I can't get over what He has shown me in the last few weeks and I don't want to. I mentioned in the last post that we read the book "Radical" by David Platt and it has really messed with me in a good way. It has made me take a serious look at how I live my life and what I spend my time, talent, resources and money on. That last one is a big one. In America we have sold into the "American Dream" where we believe we are "owed" certain things and that our goal in life is to dry a fancy car, live in a big house, have a nice savings account and see how much "stuff" we can accumulate. THAT ISN'T WHAT OUR LIVES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT. That isn't why we are here. That isn't what God has destined for us.....that isn't why Jesus Christ gave his precious life on a old wooden cross....that isn't it. It is soooooo much more. It means so much more. None of that matters. What matters is what did you do for Him. Not what little did you give in your tithe...which many "Christians" don't do to begin with, what did you do above that. I have been praying that God would open my eyes to those in need because it is so easy to get sheltered in our lives and loose sight of those hurting around us. Well let me tell you if you are going to pray a prayer and mean it that God opens your eyes to those in need get ready for it to hurt. It hurts my heart, my mind and my wallet! But my goodness the blessing that comes along to see in someone else's eyes hope restored. Not just doing good but telling those you help why you do it. I have been given that privilege the last couple of weeks and it is AMAZING and contagious. It makes me want to do more. My life is counting, it is making a difference. I am loving people with the love of Jesus. Am I perfect? Absolutely not, just ask my husband. But I have a Savior who loves me with all His heart and He is teaching me how to love Him with all of mine.

The pictures of our recent trip to Gatlinburg. We were blessed by some friends who let us use their cabin and we had a nice family get away.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Now that over 3 months have passed

So last post I talked about being better at blogging and now it has been over three months and I'm finally getting around to updating this thing. I really, really do want to keep going with it but then life happens and next thing you know three months have flown by. We have been having fun and staying busy. We just had a big fall festival at work/Anna's school. We had so much fun but am soooooo tired. Anna was a princess and she truly believes she is a princess....look out world.

We are praying through some pretty serious stuff right now. We are reading the book "Radical" by David Platt....highly recommend it but only if you want to really challenge what you say you believe. We just read the chapter about going out into all the world and telling them about the love of Jesus. In the book, he mentions that 1 billion people in the world have NEVER heard about Jesus. Have no clue who He is. Can you believe that? IF you are a believer does that not shake you to the core to think how we have failed in the Great Commission. David Platt also addresses the question he gets all the time that surely God will make an exception for those people....a loving God wouldn't send those people who have never heard about Jesus to hell but then David supports his argument with a ton of scripture that if this were the case the worst thing we could do is send missionaries around the world, because then they would have the opportunity to reject Jesus and for sure go to hell. Makes you think. We have gotten very comfortable in "our" faith and turn a blind spot to what God said to go into ALL the world and make disciples. My daughter came from the other side of the world. How many people are going to her side of the world and taking the hope of Jesus Christ? If we hadn't have been blessed to adopt Anna, if she had never been adopted and lived her life in a Chinese orphanage would she have ever been told about who Jesus is? If she didn't hear and never gave her life to Jesus, the bible is clear where she would spend shakes me to my core. What am I going to do to make a difference in my life? What have I done to make a difference in my life? When I stand before God what will I say when he ask me what I did to further His kingdom? He isn't going to ask me how big was my bank account, what kind of car I drove or what size house I lived in. Makes you think!!!!!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bad much so little time

The party is never over with this girl
Our new puppy---Cooper
Anna's reaction to the dog
"How old are you, Anna?"
Party, Party, Party

At Shedd's Aquarium in Chicago on Anna's Birthday

Baba's birthday-we won't say which one
At Nana's playing dress up-girly girl

I really do want to keep this up and going but I have been so bad lately to keep it going! I hope people haven't give up on my blog altogether, although I wouldn't blame them. I use to look at blogs non stop when we were waiting for Anna and would get frustrated with people when they didn't keep up with their blogs and here I am doing just that. I have started a new job which I love. I'm the director of a of the best in the area if I do say so myself. Anna is there with me and I love it. Time literally flies while I'm there and I wonder how I will ever get bored at this job which is a good thing because I don't like to get bored. Since I last blogged, we have had Scott's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Our Anniversary, Anna's birthday and 4th of July....Whew that is a lot. We both had a wonderful Mother's Day and Father's Day. Scott got me a diamond wedding band (yay Scott) and I got him a watch. I'll have to say he did a little better on my gift then I did his. Anna got an above ground swimming pool for her birthday, which we are all enjoying in this incredible heat and humidity. We got a trip to Shriners in Chicago for our anniversary :). It went well except we go back in two weeks for tubes. Other than that, the doctors were pleased with her progress. Wonderful to hear. Other than that we are just settling in to life. God has blessed us richly. I can't thank Him enough nor do I want to for healing Anna. It is amazing to me how God does these amazing things in our life and for the moment we thank Him and praise Him and share His wonderful works with the world and then a little time goes by, life happens and we start to grumble about "what has God done for me lately" I don't want to get like this with what He has done for our family and for our precious Anna Banana. I pray the Lord won't let me forget his healing mercy. The next day I wait for with great anticipation is the day He heals my little girl's broken heart for eternity. The day she accepts our precious Lord Jesus as her savior. That is the healing I'm praying for now.

One other thing is we added to our family....through that of a furry little four legged friend who will hopefully one day answer to the name of Cooper. He is our 4th of July present. Scott didn't realize you get those but we did and so far we are enjoying him. Hopefully though, he'll learn really soon that outside is where you potty. So far no accidents inside other than his crate but he sure likes to take his sweet time outside sniffing EVERYTHING before he wants to even attempt to go. So enjoy the pictures. They are a little bit of everything we have gone through the last three months.