Slamming doors

My verse right now is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." My future right now is sort of up in the air. Right now I'm the director of the preschool where my precious Anna Banana attends. I intentionally took that job so I could spend more time with Anna before she starts "big" school. I am so glad I made that decision although I have come against a lot of struggles. Some small and some pretty big that have had me questioning decisions I have made. I know looking back ten, twenty years from now I will be so thankful that I made the decision to be with my daughter more before she has to go to school. And I know God is faithful but never did I dream two years ago when I decided to quit my teaching position would I face so much opposition from satan. He has had me second guessing so much and I'm sick of it.

Satan hates families. He hates when families try to become stronger and he uses just about every weapon he has to try and destroy families left and right. Our family is strong. Not because of ourselves but because of our God. He has shown me a lot about myself in the last year and half. A lot of it I don't like at all about myself. But that is good. It is only when we take an honest look at ourselves and our shortcomings can God change us and make us more like him. Our family has a lot of growing to do to be more like him but we are taking steps in that direction. One is through our finances. We had it pretty easy when I was teaching. We had plenty of money for bills and for playing. That isn't the case now but God is showing himself faithful. Every month we have the money to pay our bills and while we don't have much money at all to play with, it has been good to see how much we don't need that we think we do. So when God changes our financial situation for the better, I hope he finds us faithful to use that money to further his kingdom and not our pocket books.

Another thing God is teaching me is to be humble and content. Not saying I'm perfect or even close in these two areas but I think I'm learning. I can look around at others who have more finances and more "toys" and it is easy to let envy slip in and destroy and steal contentment...but God has been good to continue to remind me of how blessed we actually are. Joy doesn't come from earthly toys but from endless laughter from my daughter when we are playing and having a good time at home, when my little family is snuggled on the couch watching the latest Tinkerbell movie or just going on a drive and looking at God's beautiful creation.

Now the struggle for me is letting faith and not fear guide my future. My sweet Anna Banana is getting ever so close to starting "big" school and I feel my time at the daycare is coming to an end as well. I figured my move was to go back to teaching. I would get my old income back, be on the same schedule as Anna and it would work out great. So far ....SLAMMING DOORS. I don't understand it. I have had a couple of leads and the door has shut on all of them. Satan is using fear and an individual of which I won't name to try and scare me that I won't be able to get a job. But my God is stronger, My God is bigger and My God is greater than any other. It isn't easy and I have spent a lot of time crying and letting fear try to guide me but that isn't what I'm called to do. I'm called to walk by faith and not by sight. It is not for me to understand but to trust in God, acknowledge him in everything and let him direct me. Please pray that is what I let God do.